the morning of november 6, I woke up happy because that was the day my PhD candidacy exam was scheduled for. i spent weeks preparing for it; i studied hard and worked hard, feeling proud and confident about my research. this exam is a big deal, and passing it is considered a huge milestone in my PhD program. i rolled over to my girlfriend in bed and told her 'i'm happy, today i'll become a candidate'. she smiled, but i could tell something was wrong. she had already seen the news and was trying her hardest not to bring it up. after i found out, nothing else mattered. i totally forgot what the point of my exam was and i suddenly didn't feel nervous or even worried about what would happen if i fail. in that instance, everything just seemed pointless. i made it out of bed and into the office, plugged in my laptop, and made it through ~2 hour long exam. when my committee told me i had passed, i felt happy again. to celebrate, we went to a cinnamon roll shop downtown for a quick snack and coffee break. and in that moment, i felt exactly how you felt; how can i be happy and celebrating on a day like this.... it's wild, and i felt selfish. i had waited anxiously for november 6 to come, but i didn't expect it to be for this reason.
All of this. And if you walked by someone gesticulating wildly and sobbing on the phone to their mom, oh yeah, that was me.🖤
ugh, same. 😭 🫶
I feel this on so many levels. I appreciate you sharing. 🤍
I appreciate you sharing so I know I'm not alone!! It's such a weird feeling still but I really appreciate knowing I'm not alone in it. 🖤
the morning of november 6, I woke up happy because that was the day my PhD candidacy exam was scheduled for. i spent weeks preparing for it; i studied hard and worked hard, feeling proud and confident about my research. this exam is a big deal, and passing it is considered a huge milestone in my PhD program. i rolled over to my girlfriend in bed and told her 'i'm happy, today i'll become a candidate'. she smiled, but i could tell something was wrong. she had already seen the news and was trying her hardest not to bring it up. after i found out, nothing else mattered. i totally forgot what the point of my exam was and i suddenly didn't feel nervous or even worried about what would happen if i fail. in that instance, everything just seemed pointless. i made it out of bed and into the office, plugged in my laptop, and made it through ~2 hour long exam. when my committee told me i had passed, i felt happy again. to celebrate, we went to a cinnamon roll shop downtown for a quick snack and coffee break. and in that moment, i felt exactly how you felt; how can i be happy and celebrating on a day like this.... it's wild, and i felt selfish. i had waited anxiously for november 6 to come, but i didn't expect it to be for this reason.