Loved reading this, as a girlie in her early 20s navigating the beginning of my career it can all feel so futile sometimes. I begin to wonder if it’s all worth it with how cruel the market can be and how far behind I seem to feel
Thank you Mara! I remember that time sooooo well. I literally used to spend nearly every day crying in the bathroom of my job before I started my business for that reason. I was like, "is this all there is?" 😭
Angela this is one of my favourite pieces from you -- you are so generous with sharing your thoughts and feelings!!
I've not yet changed course because I'm still at the crisis point of figuring everything out, but as part of my job I work with artists (like painters and sculptors, not musicians!), and I have learnt so much from them about trusting your instincts and following YOUR path, rather than the path you think you ought to follow for the sake of it. One of my artist friends started out as a painter, then moved into ceramics, but didn't feel fulfilled by pottery anymore. This year she's taken the plunge to go back to painting and drawing, and though it's a new venture for her after twenty years of being a ceramicist, she told me that she's never felt so fulfilled creatively. A lot of the other artists only started to follow their passion once they'd retired, and it's made me think that I don't want to wait that long to do something that truly feels right to me.
So, while I don't think I have anything to help with your dilemma, I hope that these thoughts that I've picked up resonate with you!! I always think if I start to feel stuck in a situation, that it's time to change direction, even if it's only something small. Lots of love Angela, and happy new year! I hope 2025 feels glittery and happy for you 💕
Oh my gosh thank you!!!! 🥹 I almost didn't publish because it just felt so vulnerable and rambling I wasn't sure anyone would care or relate.
The crisis part is awful, too; I feel for you! That's really interesting about retirement, though, and the change of path. I love that! And I love that it was still art but a different medium. I think it's easy to feel like changes have to be this drastic thing but that's such a subtle yet crucial pivot. It says a lot about testing out new things, and learning through doing.
My advice (that you didn't ask for) is that you're spot on to not wait until later to feel fulfilled. I know it can feel exhausting and overwhelming but now is the time to test those boundaries and make those changes. It only gets more complicated the older you get (and I'm only 36 with very few "normal" responsibilities —no kids, remote work, etc).
Sending you all the love back and wishing us both a happy new year 🖤 And glittery—I love that!!
I have had the same thing happen to me but with writing. Ever since I was 19 and changed my major I wanted to be a Professional Fiction Writer. I tried so hard with that even up to this year (I’m 36, gonna be 37 in 6 weeks) and I started getting anxious about writing and blocked and it became hard. It became daunting. And I became sad. This was something I wanted for so long that I don’t know what to do now that my brain doesn’t want it anymore, even if my heart does.
I also came to a realization that medically and such things changed, that is intern changing my focus and forcing me to pivot. I am not good with pivoting lol. But I’m so tired of trying to roll the boulder up the hill only for it to flatten me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope 2025 will be your great pivot moment. I’m trying to make it mine.
Oh I so feel this Melissa! I always wanted to be a writer, though I could never really define what kind so I played around with it a lot. I envy that you knew exactly what you wanted to do so early on.
It's so hard when your heart and your head aren't agreeing. I've found for me trying and testing new things is how I pivot. I've found putting a lot of pressure on one thing before I've even really done it just leads to a lot of heartache. For instance, I once tried to pivot to stay in PR/marketing but serve a different customer base. I spent months prepping for this only to find out I hated it. Now, I try to test it in smaller ways. I know it's still hard, but I hope this helps.
I'm so sorry you're in this place too, and I'm wishing us both a better 2025. It's hard out there, but we keep fighting!
I feel this. As a musician in the industry (sort of), it seems like musicians I see online are more interested in fame than actually connecting with people. It makes it hard to use social media. It feels like everyone has an agenda. Which, honestly, is fine. I just don’t feel like I fit in. Anyway, this was a great read! Thanks for sharing!
Social media has made everything feel SO much more urgent and generally, not in a good way. At its best, it's such a beautiful avenue for connection and community. I really do believe that. But as you say, at its worst, it's become a vessel for the same type of people posting the same type of things and once you see through that it's really hard to unsee it.
Which is where I am right now. I want to find my community (which is part of why I love Substack so much—it still feels very pure compared to everything else) but I struggle to stand out without compromising that.
We didn't realize how simple it was back in the early days of IG and FB did we?!
This is exactly where I am now. I worked as a translator, was self-employed for 6 years, then started working at a company in 2023. This spring, they closed my department, months after I'd found new homes for all my lovely clients. I'm now working at a bookshop, which I love, but it's part-time and minimum wage. I always wanted to write so I love being here - but my feminist heart hates that I'm contributing so little to the family income!
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds like a lot of very rapid changes, which is often so tough. The bookstore gig sounds super cozy and fun but as you say, part time / minimum wage comes with a whole lot of complications. I can also SO relate to what you're saying about contributing. It feels terrible to go through periods of feeling that way, but I am so sure you're contributing in other ways, and it's important to remember our value isn't only in the monetary sense.
Loved reading this, as a girlie in her early 20s navigating the beginning of my career it can all feel so futile sometimes. I begin to wonder if it’s all worth it with how cruel the market can be and how far behind I seem to feel
Thank you Mara! I remember that time sooooo well. I literally used to spend nearly every day crying in the bathroom of my job before I started my business for that reason. I was like, "is this all there is?" 😭
Angela this is one of my favourite pieces from you -- you are so generous with sharing your thoughts and feelings!!
I've not yet changed course because I'm still at the crisis point of figuring everything out, but as part of my job I work with artists (like painters and sculptors, not musicians!), and I have learnt so much from them about trusting your instincts and following YOUR path, rather than the path you think you ought to follow for the sake of it. One of my artist friends started out as a painter, then moved into ceramics, but didn't feel fulfilled by pottery anymore. This year she's taken the plunge to go back to painting and drawing, and though it's a new venture for her after twenty years of being a ceramicist, she told me that she's never felt so fulfilled creatively. A lot of the other artists only started to follow their passion once they'd retired, and it's made me think that I don't want to wait that long to do something that truly feels right to me.
So, while I don't think I have anything to help with your dilemma, I hope that these thoughts that I've picked up resonate with you!! I always think if I start to feel stuck in a situation, that it's time to change direction, even if it's only something small. Lots of love Angela, and happy new year! I hope 2025 feels glittery and happy for you 💕
Oh my gosh thank you!!!! 🥹 I almost didn't publish because it just felt so vulnerable and rambling I wasn't sure anyone would care or relate.
The crisis part is awful, too; I feel for you! That's really interesting about retirement, though, and the change of path. I love that! And I love that it was still art but a different medium. I think it's easy to feel like changes have to be this drastic thing but that's such a subtle yet crucial pivot. It says a lot about testing out new things, and learning through doing.
My advice (that you didn't ask for) is that you're spot on to not wait until later to feel fulfilled. I know it can feel exhausting and overwhelming but now is the time to test those boundaries and make those changes. It only gets more complicated the older you get (and I'm only 36 with very few "normal" responsibilities —no kids, remote work, etc).
Sending you all the love back and wishing us both a happy new year 🖤 And glittery—I love that!!
I have had the same thing happen to me but with writing. Ever since I was 19 and changed my major I wanted to be a Professional Fiction Writer. I tried so hard with that even up to this year (I’m 36, gonna be 37 in 6 weeks) and I started getting anxious about writing and blocked and it became hard. It became daunting. And I became sad. This was something I wanted for so long that I don’t know what to do now that my brain doesn’t want it anymore, even if my heart does.
I also came to a realization that medically and such things changed, that is intern changing my focus and forcing me to pivot. I am not good with pivoting lol. But I’m so tired of trying to roll the boulder up the hill only for it to flatten me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope 2025 will be your great pivot moment. I’m trying to make it mine.
Oh I so feel this Melissa! I always wanted to be a writer, though I could never really define what kind so I played around with it a lot. I envy that you knew exactly what you wanted to do so early on.
It's so hard when your heart and your head aren't agreeing. I've found for me trying and testing new things is how I pivot. I've found putting a lot of pressure on one thing before I've even really done it just leads to a lot of heartache. For instance, I once tried to pivot to stay in PR/marketing but serve a different customer base. I spent months prepping for this only to find out I hated it. Now, I try to test it in smaller ways. I know it's still hard, but I hope this helps.
I'm so sorry you're in this place too, and I'm wishing us both a better 2025. It's hard out there, but we keep fighting!
I feel this. As a musician in the industry (sort of), it seems like musicians I see online are more interested in fame than actually connecting with people. It makes it hard to use social media. It feels like everyone has an agenda. Which, honestly, is fine. I just don’t feel like I fit in. Anyway, this was a great read! Thanks for sharing!
Social media has made everything feel SO much more urgent and generally, not in a good way. At its best, it's such a beautiful avenue for connection and community. I really do believe that. But as you say, at its worst, it's become a vessel for the same type of people posting the same type of things and once you see through that it's really hard to unsee it.
Which is where I am right now. I want to find my community (which is part of why I love Substack so much—it still feels very pure compared to everything else) but I struggle to stand out without compromising that.
We didn't realize how simple it was back in the early days of IG and FB did we?!
This is exactly where I am now. I worked as a translator, was self-employed for 6 years, then started working at a company in 2023. This spring, they closed my department, months after I'd found new homes for all my lovely clients. I'm now working at a bookshop, which I love, but it's part-time and minimum wage. I always wanted to write so I love being here - but my feminist heart hates that I'm contributing so little to the family income!
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds like a lot of very rapid changes, which is often so tough. The bookstore gig sounds super cozy and fun but as you say, part time / minimum wage comes with a whole lot of complications. I can also SO relate to what you're saying about contributing. It feels terrible to go through periods of feeling that way, but I am so sure you're contributing in other ways, and it's important to remember our value isn't only in the monetary sense.
Have you read Kristina Nasti's latest post? Some of it might resonate with you, it really did with me. https://www.readcheeky.com/p/babe-i-cant-pay-the-rent
Well don't leave me hanging! 😅 When you gather them, feel free to reach out. I know you get this stuff! <3