I feel this to my bones. I'm a summer '87 baby. Even though I started writing with no idea of what I wanted to talk about, I find myself constantly coming back to body image... and no surprise, following that trail leads back to Y2K media. I hate the way I find myself talking about my body around younger women. The least I can do is set a better example, yet it's so intuitive to respond to compliments by pointing out my perceived flaws or immediately dismissing my ability to wear trendy items because "they won't look right on me." We're in this one together!
Thank you so much for sharing that. The more I read about everyone else's body image struggles the more comfortable I feel sharing my own. I've always felt incredibly insecure about it because I've never known anyone NOT to feel this way and somehow that made sharing feel stupid? But seeing people like you or others on Substack being brave about it and realizing how deep this runs, has made me feel like it's actually a good thing to share. Because even though it's a club none of us wanted to be a part of, we're here now, and we can support one another.
And I hear you on that last part. My gut reaction is still to balance any compliment with a "well, but this could be better," which is just as much about not seeming conceited as anything, for me. IE making myself smaller, which apparently became an emotional goal as well as a physical one! 🤦♀️ I can't even begin to unpack all of the issues that our era of growing up did to us! The deeper you go the more you uncover!
Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking and vulnerable post. As somebody who grew up in this era and had a similar body type to these models, it’s been something I’ve had a hard time talking to people about when I struggle with my own body image because so many people desperately wanted my physique.
But the amount of illness that I dealt with and stress that created for me is not something I’d wish on others nor recommend. And it’s insane to me how society tells you to be one way and when you finally achieve that it comes back at you with such backlash for doing the wrong thing. I’ve had strangers come up to me and comment on my body to tell me I should go eat something or ask my weight when we’ve never said two words to each other before.
While I completely understand that “thin privilege” is a legit thing, I spent most of my adult years wishing I felt more like an adult with a “woman’s body” and not like a child since my size, height, and measurements have been basically the same since middle school, and I jokingly say my shape is “stick shape”, flat, thin and no curve to be found.
I don’t know if there will ever be a time that we don’t condemn ourselves or try to fit into someone else’s ideals, but I hope to God that we can do better for ourselves now that we are older, be kinder, and be vocal about the impact these things have had on our lives with those around us going forward so maybe they’ll have a better chance of appreciating and loving themselves in a way we never did.
Thank you for sharing your experience with it. I completely get this (as best I can) the idea that it can feel so uncomfortable to talk about insecurities or vulnerabilities when it's tied to something that other people might see as a goal. I feel this way in other areas sometimes, and I'm so sorry about the stress and illness you've dealt with related to it. I'm giving you a big hug next time I see you!!!
You are, of course, completely right that there's no winning. We struggle and fight and make ourselves sick and small and miserable to achieve something that we think we're supposed to and then we're told how horrible we are for doing it.
It's also completely unacceptable strangers are coming up to you and saying those things! I can't even imagine.
I always think of this line in The Perks of Being a Wallflower when it comes to any kind of privilege, and it really helps me ground myself a little or stop beating myself up for feeling how I do: It's:
“And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.”
Because it's so easy to think we shouldn't feel (fill in the blank) just because someone else is feeling all of their own stuff or has it worse. But isn't that just what makes us human? Isn't that part of what connects us?
I hope we can do better for ourselves too—the being vocal part is perhaps the hardest part but probably one of the most important.
I was a teenager in the mid to late nineties when "Heroin Chic" was the the cool way to look. Even at my lowest weight that was never going to be me. Hell, I had a breast reduction at 14! I've struggled with body image for as long as I can remember and I do look back at old photos and wonder what it was that I hated so much.
I struggle with remembering that body size has nothing to do with my worth as a person. Unfortunately, I think I always will.
Heroin Chic, exactly!!! I can't believe I forgot that term, it was everywhere. That's the thing I couldn't understand at that age. I really thought if only I did XYZ (starve myself, exercise, etc) I could look like that. And even though I now understand that's not true it's so deeply ingrained that it's so hard to shake. It's as if it's programmed into me.
I hate that we share this experience, but the more I share about it the more I'm realizing that most of us growing up in that era experienced this. We still have a long way to go but I'm glad that at least girls today don't have to contend with that. Although, they have social media so, that's it's own mess of issues. Can you imagine having FB or IG when we were growing up?!
P.s. I think you're beautiful too. I wish I had known YOU so that we could have told each other that. But at least we're here now 🖤
I am so thankful the social media was not a thing growing up! I feel bad for the kids who have to deal with it today, especially since once something's on the internet, it is there forever.
oh gosh I know. And when you're younger, people say things like that ("it's on there forever") but like so much, you just don't really grasp it. I'm glad we didn't have to deal with it SO early on in our lives at least!
I feel this to my bones. I'm a summer '87 baby. Even though I started writing with no idea of what I wanted to talk about, I find myself constantly coming back to body image... and no surprise, following that trail leads back to Y2K media. I hate the way I find myself talking about my body around younger women. The least I can do is set a better example, yet it's so intuitive to respond to compliments by pointing out my perceived flaws or immediately dismissing my ability to wear trendy items because "they won't look right on me." We're in this one together!
Thank you so much for sharing that. The more I read about everyone else's body image struggles the more comfortable I feel sharing my own. I've always felt incredibly insecure about it because I've never known anyone NOT to feel this way and somehow that made sharing feel stupid? But seeing people like you or others on Substack being brave about it and realizing how deep this runs, has made me feel like it's actually a good thing to share. Because even though it's a club none of us wanted to be a part of, we're here now, and we can support one another.
And I hear you on that last part. My gut reaction is still to balance any compliment with a "well, but this could be better," which is just as much about not seeming conceited as anything, for me. IE making myself smaller, which apparently became an emotional goal as well as a physical one! 🤦♀️ I can't even begin to unpack all of the issues that our era of growing up did to us! The deeper you go the more you uncover!
Also wanted to add that your modeling pictures are SO adorable! The record one is total perfection and such a vibe.
hahaha thank you!!! It was when I first started my music blog and it secretly (not anymore!) remains one of my favorite photos 🫣
Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking and vulnerable post. As somebody who grew up in this era and had a similar body type to these models, it’s been something I’ve had a hard time talking to people about when I struggle with my own body image because so many people desperately wanted my physique.
But the amount of illness that I dealt with and stress that created for me is not something I’d wish on others nor recommend. And it’s insane to me how society tells you to be one way and when you finally achieve that it comes back at you with such backlash for doing the wrong thing. I’ve had strangers come up to me and comment on my body to tell me I should go eat something or ask my weight when we’ve never said two words to each other before.
While I completely understand that “thin privilege” is a legit thing, I spent most of my adult years wishing I felt more like an adult with a “woman’s body” and not like a child since my size, height, and measurements have been basically the same since middle school, and I jokingly say my shape is “stick shape”, flat, thin and no curve to be found.
I don’t know if there will ever be a time that we don’t condemn ourselves or try to fit into someone else’s ideals, but I hope to God that we can do better for ourselves now that we are older, be kinder, and be vocal about the impact these things have had on our lives with those around us going forward so maybe they’ll have a better chance of appreciating and loving themselves in a way we never did.
This era WRECKED us!!
Thank you for sharing your experience with it. I completely get this (as best I can) the idea that it can feel so uncomfortable to talk about insecurities or vulnerabilities when it's tied to something that other people might see as a goal. I feel this way in other areas sometimes, and I'm so sorry about the stress and illness you've dealt with related to it. I'm giving you a big hug next time I see you!!!
You are, of course, completely right that there's no winning. We struggle and fight and make ourselves sick and small and miserable to achieve something that we think we're supposed to and then we're told how horrible we are for doing it.
It's also completely unacceptable strangers are coming up to you and saying those things! I can't even imagine.
I always think of this line in The Perks of Being a Wallflower when it comes to any kind of privilege, and it really helps me ground myself a little or stop beating myself up for feeling how I do: It's:
“And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.”
Because it's so easy to think we shouldn't feel (fill in the blank) just because someone else is feeling all of their own stuff or has it worse. But isn't that just what makes us human? Isn't that part of what connects us?
I hope we can do better for ourselves too—the being vocal part is perhaps the hardest part but probably one of the most important.
I was a teenager in the mid to late nineties when "Heroin Chic" was the the cool way to look. Even at my lowest weight that was never going to be me. Hell, I had a breast reduction at 14! I've struggled with body image for as long as I can remember and I do look back at old photos and wonder what it was that I hated so much.
I struggle with remembering that body size has nothing to do with my worth as a person. Unfortunately, I think I always will.
Heroin Chic, exactly!!! I can't believe I forgot that term, it was everywhere. That's the thing I couldn't understand at that age. I really thought if only I did XYZ (starve myself, exercise, etc) I could look like that. And even though I now understand that's not true it's so deeply ingrained that it's so hard to shake. It's as if it's programmed into me.
I hate that we share this experience, but the more I share about it the more I'm realizing that most of us growing up in that era experienced this. We still have a long way to go but I'm glad that at least girls today don't have to contend with that. Although, they have social media so, that's it's own mess of issues. Can you imagine having FB or IG when we were growing up?!
P.s. I think you're beautiful too. I wish I had known YOU so that we could have told each other that. But at least we're here now 🖤
I am so thankful the social media was not a thing growing up! I feel bad for the kids who have to deal with it today, especially since once something's on the internet, it is there forever.
oh gosh I know. And when you're younger, people say things like that ("it's on there forever") but like so much, you just don't really grasp it. I'm glad we didn't have to deal with it SO early on in our lives at least!