Coffee Grinds: 01

The Tortured Poets Department, hustle culture, fast fashion, the second draft of my novel, and a book I’m obsessed with.

On my mind this week: The Tortured Poets Department, hustle culture, fast fashion, the second draft of my novel, and a book I’m obsessed with.

Taylor Swift — Tortured Poets Department

Like the rest of the world, I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift’s Tortured Poets Department. If I were still a music critic running the now-defunct Infectious Magazine, I might say the album opened with a haunting invitation into the alt-pop realm of TPD or that it’s a fuse of genres that Swift has flirted with over the past few decades. I might even write that it’s a mature blend of the three albums that preceded it; at times hazy and raw, pop-centric and full of stunning lyrics but ultimately feels like filler compared to what we know she’s capable of.

But those days are (mostly) behind me and this is not a review or even a personal take on the album. For the record, I love Taylor Swift. But I couldn’t listen to this as a fan, not after 15 years as a journalist and publicist in the music industry.

I simply couldn’t turn my industry brain off.

Fifteen years in the music industry has taught me this: we expect a lot of our prodigies. We expect a lot of hobbyist musicians too, but the world isn’t watching in quite the same way.

So when people say things like “This just isn’t Taylor’s best work” all I can think is well is it any wonder? and “Can we cut her some slack?”

For what it’s worth, I fall into this camp. I like the album, but it’s not blowing me away like say Red or more recently, Lover. But then again, those are albums I listened to at a very specific, formative time in my life. So maybe it’s not fair to compare.

Here’s the more important piece:

The amount of albums Taylor Swift has been churning out is not sustainable, at least not at a high level. For context, she’s been releasing roughly two per year since 2020. On top of world tours. On top of the public appearances. On top of life.

So if it’s not her best work yet, is that really any surprise? Given the frequency and demand at which we’ve become accustomed, it’s actually incredible the album isn’t complete garbage.

Swift has spoken on the fear of being average and I think that’s exactly what we’re looking at.

Taylor Swift — The Tortured Poets Department

Suddenly, one well-crafted album every two years isn’t enough. So it becomes one per year. Then two per year. Until we get to The Tortured Poets Department, which is essentially two (in some ways, three) albums in one. Thirty songs is mammoth.

And make no mistake, that’s for us.

But it’s also, I would imagine, a lot to do with that fear of being average coupled with a never-ending need to prove herself. Can you imagine pouring all of yourself into something for over twenty years, seeing the impact you can have, and just…walking away? Slowing down?

Because I can’t.

It’s great in theory, but in practice? I doubt most of us would be able to. Why go back to one amazing album every two years when two mediocre ones every year produces better results?

But now we’re getting into questions of artistic integrity.

For the record, I think Taylor Swift takes her work incredibly seriously. I just think we’re asking a lot of her. It’s easy to throw stones about how we’d be happy with what she has or how she’s already got fame/money/you name it, why can’t she slow down?

But that’s not really how human nature works is it?

Something people who aren’t in the music industry don’t understand is that we don’t do this unless we love it. Taylor Swift wasn’t always one of the richest and most successful people alive. Unless you’ve been there, you’ll never understand how much sacrifice and hard work it takes to become even the most mid-level successful musician. I think Taylor Swift enjoys what she does. I think she loves her fans and the impact she’s made and she should be incredibly proud. She would have to in order to keep going.

It doesn’t happen by accident.

So yeah, she’s probably tired. I’m sure it’s a struggle to balance the dreams of a fifteen-year-old Swift watching her dreams come true, willing and able to give it her all with the inevitable priority change of a thirty-something Taylor who might just want to settle in a bit without losing relevancy.

A teenage Swift just signing with Big Machine Records vs 15 years later

Can we really blame her? Are any of us the same as we were fifteen years ago? We just got lucky enough to not have to go through it in front of billions of people.

Favorite tracks: Tortured Poets Department, Fresh Out the Slammer, loml, I Can Do It With a Broken Heart, imgonnagetyouback, So High School, Hate It Here, Peter, The Bolter

Part I: What I Watched

Every Sunday my husband and I like to watch a documentary. Something crime-filled or otherwise debaucherous.

Recent watches:

• Twin Flames documentaries (please watch immediately if you haven’t)

• Can I Tell You a Secret

• LuLaRoe documentaries

• The Program

This week:

The Brandy Hellville documentary which was not so cleverly named Brandy Hellville & the Cult of Fast Fashion.

The documentary is a little confused about what it wants to be. Part tell-all on the people behind the brand, part commentary on fashion’s impact on young women, and part fast-fashion educational, it was a sobering reminder of how wasteful we are as a culture.

The saddest part is that it seems there’s no real solution. Not even the documentary knows where we go from here.

We’re also still chugging along with our trifecta of nightly shows which goes (in this order)

• Southern Charm Season 3. I’m so late to the party on this but wow, what a gem. Nothing can live up to the early days of Vanderpump Rules but this is a decent substitute.

• The Affair Season 4 starring Dominic West in a show that has so far been basically a different genre every season. Season three hasn’t been great, but we start S4 tonight so here’s hoping.

• Palm Royale. An odd little show that has taught me Ricky Martin is truly a fantastic actor.

Part II: What I’m reading

Currently reading: The Ballerinas by Rachel Kapelke-Dale.

I learned of this book through CeCe Lyra’s Writing Tension course. I’ve already signed up for her Writing Interiority course in June!

Being someone who is writing what I’d call a quiet book that wants to be less quiet, I really appreciated the example to learn from a book that is exactly this. Psychological Fiction I’m learning it’s called.

I always love to read books that are close enough to mine that I can learn from them, while being far enough removed that they give me lots of fresh ideas. I feel so susceptible when I’m in writing mode, so I’m super picky with what I read.

Which brings me to…

Part III: I’m on re-writes of my novel!

I don’t even know what to call this draft. For the sake of sanity, I’ll call it draft number two, since if we strip it down that’s what it is. But really it’s gone through a thousand re-writes by now.

Early morning re-writes

This time, I think it’s really starting to take shape. A quick recap:

• Created a reverse outline with Save the Cat Writes a Novel. Learned mine falls under “Fools Triumphant” structure and subsequently re-watched Bridget Jones’ Diary because that also falls under Fools Triumphant and really why wouldn’t you re-watch that movie?

• I set hard deadlines for myself so I’d stop obsessing over every single line and just focus on the new curiosity scenes and drama I’m introducing. The goal is to finish this draft by the end of next month (May), let it breathe, and then do what I hope will be final line edits over the Summer.

• I’ve been trying to add new depth to characters. More complications, messy outcomes, complex layers.

• More movement in scene — this has been tough but made a huge difference!

Things I loved this week:

• Sawyer, my 15-year-old pup has had a tough couple weeks as he fought off a parasite, which means mom and dad have been taking turns sleeping on the couch with him and getting about 4 hours of sleep for the last two weeks. This week, he’s finally on the mend, starting to act like his old self, and thanks to the new Gabapentin, he’s sleeping (mostly) through the night!

• Meal prepping has become my favorite thing. I don’t know why. I guess I’m predictable. I like structure. I’ve been following Makayla Thomas’ Instagram and genuinely look forward to making each week’s grocery list.

• I’ve also been embracing audiobooks for my runs. I just wrapped up Yellowface and am starting The Maid. If you have any recs, send them my way!

• I’d be remiss not to shout out

  Madeline Mills
  ’ Love Notes, which gave me the idea to re-invent what I had been calling Scattered Thoughts. I like Coffee Grinds much better, don’t you?

Until next week!

xoxo