Spring Cleaning
Hitting a refresh on life + is Substack changing? Where are all the messy emotions at?
My friends. I’m so sorry I’ve been so absent lately. I have a myriad of excuses, but truthfully, I just haven’t been feeling the creative spark to show up here. This makes me sad because Substack has always been my reprieve from the real world. I never want it to feel like a chore, only a joy.
And I don’t know if it’s me and my curmudgeonly outlook, but the last few months have felt weird here. I think a lot of people have felt the same overall sadness that I have as a result of the (very terrifying) political climate here in the US. Though I will say, waking up yesterday morning to the news of Wisconsin maintaining their Liberal majority, despite Musk’s $25 million spend, felt like hope. For the first time, in a long time, it felt like maybe, just maybe things could get better.
Which brings me to the protests. I’ve been toying with attending these April 5th protests but am, for the first time, genuinely scared to? I live in a pretty blue state, and even still, I find myself worrying horrible thoughts. Will someone show up with a gun? Will someone bomb us? Will I get hurt? Will I be safe? Will my mom be safe?
I’ve attended protests before and never felt this kind of hesitation. It’s awful.
On the flip side, so much of what I see on Substack these days feels artificial. I don’t know if it’s that I’ve dropped off reading as much because life has felt so chaotic, but I crave a strong mix of joy and reality in my reading and I feel like that’s missing. There are panicked posts, and there are joyful posts, and there is no in-between.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love lists like this by that give me new playlists, recipes, and things to look forward to. Reading lists and joy lists and happiness lists are an essential part of my Substack experience. We need more of that. I need more of that. But I also feel like we, collectively, are scraping away from the edges of reality, and what I’m really hungry for, is something deeper.
It’s why I’ve always followed writers like
or . Maybe I just need more people like that to follow. Hello, is that you? Can we be friends?Please don’t misunderstand. I don’t want to be sad. Not really. It’s just, I want to feel what you’re feeling, the good, bad, and especially the messy. I want to sink my teeth into the complexities of this time we are living through and feel like there’s someone else out there feeling it all. Political yes, but also relationships and career and being thirty-something when you still feel twenty-seven. I want to feel like I’m reading your diary, like we’re cozied up by the fire, swapping secrets over hot chocolates, like you can trust me with anything. Like we’re in this together. Celebrating the wins while staying rooted in reality.
Is that weird? Is that wrong?
And so, in the least smooth transition, I’m offering my own update; all the ways I’ve been pouring into my creativity.
Writing: Not here of course. Whoops. But I’ve been working on novel edits, a slow but rewarding process that most days has me excited to dive in. It goes like this: spend two weeks feeling like I’m positively CLEVER, followed by ten days of being sure I’m the worst writer alive. Rinse, repeat. I’m on a schedule of editing at least two hours a day and trying to set goals like “get through (arbitrary percentage) of book by end of week.”
These goals aren’t easy, but they are helping me to resist editing the same sentence until it’s Frankensteined into something much worse than when I started.
Photography: Back in November, I picked up my camera after decades of leaving my interest in photography to lie dormant. I started with street photography, but before long I found a style of couples photography that really resonated. Cinematic maybe. Documentary style. I like to call it photos that feel like they’re ripped from your favorite rom-com.
And in true fashion, I’ve decided that no, this cannot be a hobby, it must be a second career. I’ve talked about wanting a life filled creativity and this fits perfectly into that notion. Earning income from a myriad of activities I love—my work in PR, my writing, my photography—sounds thrilling.
So , I've been tackling this one head-on, emailing every Boston-based photographer I can find who does wedding photography and asking to shadow them. I have my first wedding shoot next weekend with someone whose work I really admire, and I am beyond excited to have the opportunity to learn and even get some wedding photos for my portfolio!
So, uh, hey, if you’re in Boston and you want to do this, I’m super cheap right now and would love to work together!
Reading: Currently, I’m flipping between three books. My audiobook (One Day in December by Josie Silver), my physical book (Better Left Unsent by Lia Louise which is turning out to be a potentially really good comp for my novel) and a friend’s manuscript (an incredible Women’s Fiction novel that I can not wait for you all to read). It’s reminded me how much I love editing and has sparked dreams of one day working in publishing alongside my author career. As an agent perhaps? Editor? Publicist? Who knows! But I say author career because I’m doing my very best to look at this as a Very Real Thing that is Definitely Going to Happen.
What’s up next:
Who knows? Just kidding, I basically always know because I’m Type A. Some things I’m looking forward to:
This wedding shoot coming up
A TFP shoot I have planned for this weekend if the rain holds off + a paid shoot (would be my first!!) tentatively scheduled for mid-April.
Start reading The Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors. I’ve had this on my TBR for a really long time and avoided it because, quite frankly, I’m worried I don’t have the capacity for any more heaviness. But a friend has just recommended it, so I’m going to give it a go. I know the writing is beautiful, and I’m hoping that’s enough to keep me from wanting to cry 24/7.
Possibly learning Photoshop now that I have a decent handle on Lightroom.
Trying my dad’s old film camera as a way to stop myself from spending more money on another hobby I don’t have time for. But come on. Film is gorgeous. How can I not?
Getting to the halfway mark in my book’s edits. This week is supposed to be the week. Maybe I will incentivize myself with champagne if I can actually do it.
I hope you’re having a good week. Thanks for being patient with me as I navigate all of this. <3
<3 <3 <3
I love all of this SO MUCH! Sending much energy to you and All Your Creative Thingz!