Pretty sure my career is over, but at least I'm more creative than ever?

15+ years later I'm obsolete. Relatedly, does anyone need a copywriter or publicist? 😅

Let me tell you about a little thing I’ve been going through called my whole career is crumbling in front of me, and yet I’m feeling more creatively alive than I have in ages.

Here’s how the story goes.

Ten years ago, I started a PR company. I didn’t know anything about niching down and most days I wish I could go back to that level of naivety. Being naive makes most things more enjoyable. Even still, I chose to work exclusively with indie musicians because that was my passion. I had the connections from five years of running a music blog, but that’s about it. Luckily, I was 25, so reason didn’t stop me from going after things I was not qualified to pursue. And you know what? It worked. A decade later, my little PR company has allowed me a life of freedom, to live in 15+ North American cities, travel on a whim, take off on a random Tuesday to get bagels, or generally do whatever I want so long as the work gets done. More than that, I’ve genuinely enjoyed the people I’ve worked with and the paths it’s taken me down.

I’ve always felt really proud of myself for building something out of nothing like that. For finding a gap in the market. For making it my own. For not waiting around for someone else to give me a chance but instead, making my own opportunities.

But now, I feel like I’ve failed.

Lately, all the work has dried up. The writing has been on the wall for a while, but with 2024 being the colossal nightmare it was, it didn’t register that this was actually it. As in, you better figure out a Plan B because you and your life’s work are now obsolete. Useless. Unwanted. Or maybe, more accurately I just didn’t want to see it for what it was. It’s not easy to admit your entire life is about to go up in flames when your life is already up in flames.

That being said.

Although life has been fully in the toilet for a while, I have never felt more creatively alive. I feel like my neurons are firing on all cylinders, like everywhere I turn, I have a new idea. Like I am the embodiment of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. It’s as though my mind is so primed for soaking in any and all opportunities that it’s working overtime. Things I would generally scroll past are jumping out at me. Emails I’d normally delete are becoming beacons of creativity. I’m grasping at ideas like those gooey vending machine hands you throw to the wall, just to see what sticks. I thought spending hours and hours of my day looking for work would be exhausting and sure, the stress of watching my decade-and-a-half-long career fall to pieces definitely is, but also, if I can just ignore that for a moment, it’s kind of incredible watching the way my mind is hustling to fill in the gaps. My mind is a hustler. Who knew? But everywhere I turn, it’s like, “Oh well, what about this?”

Suddenly, my focus is turned up to a thousand. I’m getting more done. I still have client work, and the same responsibilities and commitments as before. And yet, somehow, it feels like my time is more my own. I’m getting more novel writing done, I’m packing in a ton of lead generation, and I’m still getting client work completed all before I wrap up and read (or ok, play Luigi’s Mansion 3) for the day. I have somehow found time I never thought I had and it’s thrilling! I mean, in many ways, it’s not because it’s due in part to not having enough work which means I’m stressed all the time, refreshing my email, and sending a thousand inquiries a day, but ALSO, it’s kind of great to feel like somehow this has put my efficiency into overdrive.

And then there’s the creativity. It’s no secret I’ve been struggling with my novel for the last few months, but lately, it feels like I’m finally back on track.I’ve been crediting this to my decision to lay off the pressure and go back to what was working, what I loved, but I think it’s also just that my brain is in its Picasso era, making beautiful art out of nonsense.

So where does this leave me?

Welp. Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve been applying to copywriting jobs like an absolute fiend, desperate but determined to turn something I love (writing) into my career while I watch the music industry slowly dissolve. It’s terrifying, having devoted my whole life to this thing that no one seems to want anymore. At the risk of sounding like a total baby, it hurts my feelings. I feel useless. Mostly, though, I’m just scared.

But I’m also emboldened because I’m finally being forced into a corner, and if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I always come out swinging. I’ve been wanting to make a change for years, but business has been just ok enough to ignore what I knew was inevitable. But these last few months have forced my hand. And now I don’t have any other choice.

So I’m applying to jobs at an insane rate, and every job description gives me a new idea, a new memory, and a new unearthed depth of myself that I thought I’d forgotten. I’m not being precious about any of it. I want to give copywriting full-time a go, even though, it too has been said to be a rapidly dying field, (is this my niche??) Just when I think I’ve applied to every place out there, I see another application, and it sparks a fresh idea, something brand new to get excited over.

I am exhausted.

But I can see the potential.

And it’s good to feel alive again. Even if I do sort of wish I could just pay my bills without worrying.

But if I have to find a silver lining, it’s this. I’m motivated in ways I haven’t felt in years and while sure, I spend a lot of nights up at 3am worrying, I also sometimes wake up and have a new idea. Send what I hope is a career-changing email. I’m taking risks again. I’m allowing myself to feel excited. I’m shaking things up.

I’m coming out swinging, just like I always do. And I hope that this will be enough.

Where are my other freelancers/entrepreneurs? Please commiserate with me. You know misery loves company.

P.s. know anyone that needs any of the following? Send ‘em my way!

• Copywriting/Ghostwriting

• One off article writing (IE published essays/articles in your favorite outlets)

• Executive profiling/media training

• Publicity/Marketing

• Brand identity

• Also available for speaking gigs and workshops on the above

• Someone to test all the chocolate in the house. Kidding. Sort of.