It’s nice to have a label
someone please tell me who I am.
It’s nice to have a label.
Recently, I’ve been learning photography, stumbling through and trying to find a style. It’s honestly much better when you don’t know anything, because everything feels like an accomplishment. Every photo is a win, every edit is progress. It’s linear that way. Once you start researching and learning and god, following other people who are better than you, it’s over. You will never succeed at the comparison game.
On a whim, I responded to a photographer’s Thread.
This, it turns out, was also a mistake. I picked a handful of my favorites along with the very first shoot I did (oh how far I’ve come) and told him that I was still trying to find my style, and that I found his —desaturated, pops of color—inspiring. His response came almost immediately.
And I latched onto that first one like a passenger stranded, the lifeboat finally within reach.
Cinematic. I felt so relieved to be seen. Yes. I’m cinematic. I began brainstorming all the ways I could be that. More dramatic lighting. More contrast. More colors! I’ll have to watch more videos on how to edit in this style! I bet I can go back and change my existing photos! Now that I had found my label, I would do anything to make it stick. To make it me.
And I know how messed up this is. That this is dangerous. This is how people, and cultures, and whole societies fall. Sixteen year old me would be mortified. Didn’t I used to thrive off defying the status quo? Wouldn’t I mock people who tried so hard to fit into a box? But I’m so tired now. It feels nice to have someone define me, for once. To bypass the anxiety of figuring out who I am and where I fit into this world. To be validated.
Maybe, just once, that’s ok to admit?
P.s. For real though do you think these are cinematic? 👀
Love these photos! And I agree - I think using a label to help guide your work can be great, as long as it doesn’t become too restrictive :)
I get what you mean - sometimes a label can be really helpful. Even if it is something you pick up for now and eventually pivot from later.
Have you seen Fleabag? It reminds me of the scene in S2 when she's confessing that she wants to be told what to wear, what to do, etc. You might find comfort in it if you like the show!